Primary

Sorry, I try to keep my blog entries in order. Everybody knows I am always running behind on my entries, but I felt like I couldn't wait to post this one. I needed to get my thoughts and feelings down while they were fresh. So here it goes...

We have been in the Oakbrook Ward now for a little over 2 years and I have received my 3rd calling here. They are bouncing me around everywhere. Which is a good thing, because everybody knows I have a little ADD and can get a little scattered brain if you leave me in too long. I first started out as the Visiting Teacher Coordinator for 1 yr 3 months. Then got called to serve on the Enrichment Activity Committee for 9 months. Now I have been beckoned to serve as the 2nd Counselor in Primary. Did you know the last time I served in primary was 6 years ago? Yikes! I hope I can still do it. Please bless me with patience.

  I have a funny story to tell. When I first got told I was getting a new calling the first thing that popped out of my mouth was, "Please! Don't be Primary! I can not deal with any more bratty kids." Not that I don't like primary. I feel that with my husband always being gone I have my kids enough by myself.  Church was my get away from the kids. Quick! Sacrament is over. Throw them in the primary and lets run to have some adult conversation. I know its a bad attitude to have, Right?
  Well, a couple days latter I heard that the Relief Society President got released as well as the rest of the presidency. Then my heart really started pumping. Could this really be happening to me? Am I going to get called in the Relief Society Presidency? Panic overwhelmed my body. I think I might have stopped breathing a few minutes. No Joke. It is so funny how the Lord is quick to hasten and bring you to your knees begging for his mercy. My attitude did a complete 180 in a matter of seconds. I was screaming....Please! Put me in Primary! Please! Put me in Primary!
  When I finally had my meeting with the bishopric I thought I was going to pass out. I didn't know what I was going to say if they asked me to be in RS. I know you are not suppose to turn down any callings (and I haven't) but at this time I was seriously thinking, should I? I don't know what it is about RS, but obviously I am terrified of it. When Br. Wright finally told me they wanted me to serve as the 2nd Counselor in Primary I almost jumped out of my seat with excitement. Actually, no lie, I broke out in tears I was so relieved. I kept apologizing for crying, but they almost gave me a heart attack.

  I love my Heavenly Father so much. I can testify that he knows each and every one of us. He knows exactly what our lives consists of and he is here for us. Lately I have been feeling like such a horrible person. I have been having a lot of difficult trials come my way. It seems like every time I turn around I get slapped in the face with something new. If it isn't marital problems, then it is finance problems, or my neighbor issues, the kid's issues, school, medical... I could go on. I felt like I stepped in a black hole of negativity, and was quickly sinking like quick sand. Everything I did was wrong. Things got worse. Depression sinks in. You look around and seem lost. Where am I? How did I get here? I felt like I was doing so good for so long. I had a perfect life. Somehow, being surrounded by all this negativity I lost myself.
  Heavenly Father knew exactly what was going on. Even though I wasn't praying to him. He still knew. I was definitely loosing my mind. But our kind gracious Heavenly Father gently reaches down and picks me up. He knew I couldn't do for myself anymore. So he is there to help me find my way. To help set me back on the right path. I know with out a shadow of a doubt that this new calling that I have was set specifically for me. I never have felt like this before about a calling. But the feeling I have is so strong. I know this is where I am suppose to be. This is the solution to all of my problems. I have gotten away from thinking like a child. To feel like a child. Most importantly LOVE like a child. My heart had gotten so harden from all the drama surrounding me that I forgot how it was to love. To forgive. To think positively. I feel being surrounded by all of the wonderful primary children will teach me patience, love, kindness, meekness and forgiveness all over again. I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father. For his understanding, and his love that he so freely gives, and gives, and gives. He never stops. He is my comforter and my protector. His love always humbles me to be a better person. I could not ask for anything more. I am so grateful for his patience and hope that one day soon I will be worthy enough to enter into his presence.

Sorry, for rambling on. I would like to add one more thing.  As the bishopric set me apart my blessing said that "my Heavenly Father knows me. That he understands my situation and sympathizes with me. If I serve him I will be over poured with many blessings." I truly believe this. I know that trials are set before us for our own growth and learning ability. If we make the right choices and continue steadfast in faith our Heavenly Father will pour out his blessings abundantly. Right now times couldn't have gotten any darker for me. With my willingness to show my faith in HF and accept his call to serve. I know I will be showered with gifts. In fact I have already received some and I think they are my favorite....peace of mind, love, acceptance, forgiveness.